Learning To Let Go

40th Celebrations.

A few years ago I decided skydiving would be a great way to celebrate my 40th birthday, looking back I think to myself “Was I crazy? I have always had a fear of heights, not a debilitating fear but enough of a fear to feel my heart race and the pit of my stomach churn if I venture to anything above terrafirma. Never one to be put off by my fears though, I had previously done a 120 foot abseil, and one of those awful reverse bungee jumps, so diving out of a plane had to be the ultimate challenge.

At the young age of 40 the rules state that a doctors certification now becomes compulsory to assess your fitness. At an altitude of 14,000 feet your oxygen levels are reduced by around 40%. Not sure if I was more worried about not being able to breathe, the fact that I may just have a heart attack or the real possibility that the parachute may fail to open. Nonetheless I went ahead, signed all the paperwork and took out the necessary insurance.

12 Minutes of Terror

12 minutes from the ground to 14,000 feet, the longest 12 minutes of my life. Of course to jump from that height for your first time, it’s a tandem skydive, plus I was crazy enough to think, if I am going to jump I want to experience the freefall. A first solo jump would involve a static line chute that opens immediately from a jump height of around 3,000 feet. Hey, surely that couldn’t be high enough for me? Who was I kidding? The 12 minutes of terror had started and I couldn’t breathe right from the off, my heart was pounding so hard I expected it to pop right out of my chest, strapped tight to the instructor I was frantically working through a get out plan in my head. I was sweating, shaking and I felt sick. I was experiencing real fear and I thought I might actually die from that intense fear right there and then. The aircraft door opened, the wind, the sound, and the realness of the situation had virtually froze me to the spot, but for the instructor hauling my ass off our shared seat, I’d still be there now. We shuffled to the edge of the aircraft, I knew the drill, I’d had the training before we got off the ground. I sat on the edge, legs dangling out, taking my required posture for the jump when it hit me…

In that split second that extreme fear had forced me to fully accept the situation, I accepted the fact that this act may well be my very last and I surrendered to it. What came next in those few seconds was an absolute calm, it washed right over me and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Whatever was going to happen, I just knew it was going to be okay. We jumped and we fell and as we hurtled through the clouds, falling at 120mph, it felt amazing. Some 50 seconds later the chute deployed and we were jolted to a massively reduced speed, we then glided gracefully for another 5-6 minutes down to the ground. The whole experience was truly unforgettable.

Get To The Point

So what is my point? As I mused over the content of this blog, the skydive came to mind and the reason I started with it first. However it is not the basis of what I want to say, it is just an example of one situation in my life where I was forced to let go.

Learning to let go in all areas of life is how we truly find real peace and happiness, and is what I somehow want to touch on in a few words.

Grasping

We grasp on to things so tightly we become miserable by the very things we set out to achieve. We operate from the ego mind. We are consumed by what others think, we live in fear of rejection, we carry anger for those that do us wrong, we negative talk ourselves down, we feel unhappy when we are alone, and we suffer heartache with every loss in our life. Just think about your day for a second. Did you feel some sort of negative emotion today? Were you impatient, frustrated, felt let down? Was someone not so nice to you? Did you get cut up on the road today? Did the queue you were standing in go on forever? Did you worry about your finances today? Or did you just feel dog-tired from all the running on the hamster wheel today? You can bet there are a million reasons to feel some sort of negative emotion, and you can bet we’ve all felt one and more.

How To Let Go

So how do we let go? Easier said than done, the answer is in the title, we have to learn. Sometimes we just have to sit back and breathe. Take an objective view of our circumstances and situation. Sometimes we just have to flip things in reverse. Let me give you a few examples:

Anger – You’re angry with someone. Those that have done you wrong need your love and blessing more than anyone. Two wrongs will never make a right. Forgive and move on. Anger will destroy you. You never need to become best pals; you never need to cross paths with them again. What you give your time and focus to expands. The not so nice people in this world do not deserve your energy, silently wish them well, give them up and be on your way. Do you really want to drag them through the rest of your life with you?

Fear – You fear anything and everything. It is said we only ever act out of fear or love. Takes a while to process that statement. Are we really making choices and taking action based on fear? Or is it we fear the consequences of non-action? If I don’t go to work today, I wont get paid. If I don’t strive to be successful, others will dismiss me. If I don’t dress, act and speak in a certain way, others won’t like me. I guess every action has a consequence and I guess this one warrants the reverse flip. Use any reason other than the fear of a negative consequence to drive your actions. What have you got to lose on this one besides a little fear?

Loss – You didn’t get the job, you lost your job. You lost money. You lost your possessions. The love of your life, your friends dumped you, maybe even your family. You lost a loved one.
Loss creates the biggest heartache of all and we feel it deeply. The rejection cuts deep and the hurt lingers. Could it be that a bigger plan is at work for us? Could it be we suffered a loss in order to receive something better? Could our loss be a blessing in disguise? Have we a lesson to learn in our loss? Our attachment to all and everything will always create a sense of loss. I’ve read the whole history of Buddhism and I’m fascinated by the enlightened. They have no attachment and suffer no loss. Mentally they are untouchable. Wow I think! How do those mental ninjas do it? I understand the theory, I just haven’t had the practice, and therefore I still feel the loss. I usually ask myself the above questions, and I will always look for the positive in loss, however bereavement is different. I’ve experienced it, tragic, sudden, expected, both in the young and old. What helps me to get through that loss is to give thanks. Giving thanks for the time they were here and thanks for the time we spent together. Would I exchange the heartache of their loss for never knowing them, or they never existing? Not in a million years.

Possessions – Hey I’m writing a whole book on the subject. Clutter, clutter, clutter, we love it, yet it stifles us, it drowns us out and it wears us down. A place for everything and everything in its place. I’ll say very little apart from… If you have no use for it, let it go! Guess you’ll have to wait for the book for the whole shebang on this matter.

Negative self-talk – We all do it. The what ifs… that prevent us from taking action. The beliefs we think define us… I’m not good enough. I cant' do that. I’m not talented. I’m not that confident. I’m not beautiful. I’m not qualified. I’m not liked. The list goes on and we all pick something off that list at one time or another. Just STOP it. We are all unique individuals with incredible worth to this planet. We are all different so stop comparing yourself to others. Draw on all your positives, celebrate and share your unique talents. It doesn’t hurt to love yourself a little more. Remember that you are love in all its forms.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”

Lao Tzu

With Love

Julie